What do I know?!

A quiet moment, last year, right around my birthday. Crazy to even think about 2019. 

Today is my 53rd trip around the sun. I know I’m preaching to the choir when I say that so far, 2020 has been a marathon Twilight Zone episode. Stress doesn’t bring out the best in most humans and we are collectively experiencing; a global health crisis, savage political divisiveness, a cultural awakening regarding racism, and the simultaneous rise of the old, ugly, unapologetic, face of white supremacy. Then there are issues like; profound economic uncertainty, record-breaking forest fires, unprecedented hurricanes, melting ice caps, and an election in 35 days that will determine how the aforementioned catastrophes will be tackled, or ignored, for another 4 years.

It’s hard for me to accept, but I can’t control much of anything at the moment.

Years ago I had an experience that has come to mind, a lot, as I move through my days caring for 3 teenagers, attempt to be a loving and present wife, maintain a happy home, work a full-time job, all while striving to stay safe, sane and healthy myself.

It’s my birthday, and my present to me is sharing this story with you.

Years ago, when my son Lucca was still a toddler and I was working around the clock as a new real estate agent, I was pulled over for expired tabs. I didn’t have a good excuse when the officer asked me why I had neglected to take care of the matter. Later that same day I was pulled over a second time for the same reason (#$%!!@??). The ticket was well over $250 and I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for it. A friend suggested I go to traffic court and appeal to the judge for a reduced fine.

A few weeks later I was sitting in a local courtroom with three other people. They were also there to appeal to the judge for leniency. I was not in the best frame of mind (too much coffee, too little food, too many pressing work issues). Cranky, tired, and hungry, I looked around and started profiling my peers.

#1 Older lady – Me “Ok, she’s a fossil. Probably has cataracts and definitely shouldn’t be driving”.

#2 30 something young man – Me “Dude didn’t even bother changing into clean clothes for this! Drugs, I’m sure he has a problem with drugs”.

#3 18-year-old kid – Me “Typical teenager, was probably driving too fast. This’ll teach him”.

The elderly woman went first. The judge read something silently and then spoke. “Well, Ms. Wagner. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before, you have a perfect driving record. It sounds like you misunderstood the instructions on the sign where you parked. It would be such a shame to ruin your record now. I’m going to waive this ticket”. “Hmmm,” I thought, “Guess I was wrong”.

The young man in the dirty clothes went next. “Sir, I apologize for my appearance. I work at a local, organic farm. I’m here because I was pulled over for driving without current tabs. The truck I was driving is only used on the farm and I was coming back from the repair shop. We really can’t afford to pay for tabs considering the truck is only used on-site”. The judge waived his fine. Observing the interaction I said to myself “Ok…NOT a drug dealer. Honest mistake”.

Then the teenager stood and spoke quickly and nervously, “Judge, I apologize for driving too fast. My grandfather, who is sitting next to me today, has heart problems and I wasn’t sure if he was having a heart attack. We lost my grandmother last year and I was taking him to urgent care. I wasn’t paying attention. I know I made a mistake”. The judge took his glasses off and said warmly “Son, I understand. You haven’t had any speeding tickets prior to this. Considering the circumstances, I will let this go ”.

I sat there, my mouth dry, as it was slowly dawning on me, “Holy crap! – I’M THE DIRTBAG?!!”.

Then the judge called on me “Ms. Young, how can I help you?” “Well sir” I answered, “I received a ticket for expired tabs and…its a lot of money”. He sat motionlessly and responded “So, you were driving with expired tabs…for over two months, and you would like me to reduce your fine?” There was a long, uncomfortable pause, “Yes”, I finally responded. He looked at me with distaste and said “I will reduce your fine by $40”. It didn’t feel like a win.

I had all but forgotten this story until this year. The point is, I have come to accept that I am a hypocrite…and I would like to propose that this goes for all of us.

Everyone has a story. Every, single, person on this planet has a story and I can’t possibly know them all. Newsflash – it also isn’t my job to judge. What if I made it my mission to simply move through my days with more love, more tolerance, and more kindness? Would that be so bad? I’m not going to stop reading the news, or feel strongly about the state of the world…but I am committed to listening more and pausing instead of reacting. After all, what do I know?

Care to join me?